See What Yesterday’s Suicide Would Have Cost Me

Thank you for watching my Birthday video. I am truly overwhelmed by the memories of the last one year. But these would have been thwarted by my suicide attempt 1 year ago. Everything you saw in the video would have been wiped away ‘if’ I’d given up. Could it be that the pain I felt last year had seen the gains I was to make today? Could it be that my joy and victory were closer than I ever imagined? How much have you lost because you gave up too quickly?

You see, I must be sincere.

Before I went to bed on the 14th of April, 2015, I had taken a serious overdose of Lexotan, an anti-depressant I had been on for 3 months as recommended by my doctor. I couldn’t sleep well as I was deeply troubled and an emotional wreck.

While I prepared to see another birthday, I thought to myself, “hey, what the heck? What’s the essence of living if a woman I loved and suffered terribly to marry amidst both family’s oppositions could walk away after 12 years of a relationship with our children. Why carry on since she had turned down all efforts for a reconciliation?

I thought my life was meaningless.

I felt ashamed knowing I had counselled and helped many troubled marriages gain stability. I was a role model to many people and just couldn’t bear it.


My faith was failing me, and the pain seemed to cover my clouds.

So, I chose to sleep off and never wake up.

I was surprised when I opened my eyes the next morning.
I was hearing their voices but couldn’t place where I was.

They were shouting, “Nnanna”, “Rev”, “Wake Up!”
They had torn my window nets and luckily, my window was open.
They got a long stick and were hitting me with it trying to wake me up.

Before I slept, I shut my doors and switched off my phone. I tried making sure no one could wake me up,

but God had other plans.

Yes He did.

Nnanna Uma @ 33
The last one year has been a great testimony.
I have lived to see better days, and the best is yet to come.


If I could have seen today from the grave, I’m certain my pains would have been unimaginable. I was this close to a new life, and I didn’t know I was about destroying it.

Many of us are passing through experiences that make us doubt our reasons for living. We ask endless questions and get no answers except the silence of each passing moment.

But the truth remains that God’s love for us is unimaginable.
He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5)

It does not mean we won’t go through challenges, or suffer pain.

Sometimes, according to His plan, all He provides at such moments is just His Grace to go through the pain.

Three times, Apostle Paul, a friend of God, a Unique servant, so anointed that his lone voice withstood some of the greatest persecutions the Church has ever witnessed, asked the Lord to save him from his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor.12:1-11). But the Lord simply said, “My Grace is Sufficient for you”.

How unfair was that? This man has served faithfully and has helped many people with their pains. Yet, when it was his turn, God practically ignored the pain, only to offer His Grace.

“I didn’t ask you for grace Lord”
“All I want is my healing. Let the Pain Stop!”

Well, that’s not always “The Plan”.

Your Future is Greater

I do not know where you are at the moment, but I’m certain that if you will hold on for one more season, you will have a testimony.

I have lived another year since the incident and have not had a better year.

The love I received yesterday from all over the world left me in tears.

Watching the one year video showed me

  • I’ve made new friends,
  • Touched new lives,
  • Grown intellectually, economically, socially and spiritually.


The situation didn’t change, but my blessings as I held on through the pain have greatly increased.


The Pain you feel today is the strength you need tomorrow.
Hold on!
In fact,

Let your reason for holding on be that you have seen tomorrow, and yes you have, through God’s word for you.

He says, “I will do a new thing” (Is. 43:11)
More so, I love the Common English Bible version of 1 Corinthians 2:9.
It says:

“God has prepared things for those who love him that no eye has seen, or ear has heard, or that haven’t crossed the mind of any human being.”

That’s quite reassuring.

Hold on my brother. Hold on my sister.

I pray for you to find strength to go one more mile.
I pray for you to find grace to endure the pain.
I pray for you to find courage to break into new grounds, and at the end of the day, I would love to celebrate with you.

You can also Learn How to Talk About HEARTBREAK Without Pains

Feel free to leave a comment, share your story to inspire more people or contact me. Again, your friend may desperately need to read this. Please share it!
I wish you all the very best.

Your brother,


  1. O dear, your words are deep and inspiring.
    I am excited knowing that quitting on a dream and the easy option of suicide are not the solutions to the torments of failure and depression.

    There’s always Sunshine after the rain and I’m glad to have experienced mine in less than a year.

    Thank you for your continuous support and I hope many more souls struggling with an ugly past will find strength and courage to move on, knowing that the best is yet to come.
    God bless you Timi.

  2. Nnanna,

    Happy (belated) birthday! What an inspiring story. You’ve converted your past pains into tomorrow’s gains.

    Obviously no one can appreciate the wonders and opportunities of today more than someone who once believed there were no more tomorrows.

    I’m sure by putting yourself out there and sharing your incredible story, and your subsequent healing and recovery, you will help to inspire others to take a chance on success.

    Thank you for sharing!

    And continued success to you throughout the future.


    • Hi Roger,
      Thank you so much for your lovely and heart warming comment and best wishes. You’re right. Light is mostly appreciated after a long moment of darkness. If only one person can live again, dream again, strive again on a goal, or move forward beyond pain and shame, then, my story won’t be in vain.
      We keep moving forward for the best is yet to come.
      Thank you once again, and you’re always welcome here sir.


    My friend, what a POSITIVE, post of substance and love you have created for us.
    “Congratulations” seems not enough for the path you have chosen since your deathly despair of a year ago.
    “Happy Birthday” DOES fit so righteously, though. The Lord gave you Life, and you are now using it to help and inspire others in a huge and blessed way.
    Thank you for the videos too…they are beautiful and uplifting:)

    My BIG hug for you, Nnanna,

    • Hi Terry, you have such a rich sense of humour as I couldn’t help laughing all through your comment. Thank You for the love dear Terry.

      I’ve been inspired by many people whose pain was their gain. So, it’s just fair to give a helping hand to a brother or sister climbing up the ladder.
      Obviously, we can’t really know how many people our little faith could save.
      Thank you for the Big hug too. Let’s Keep Moving Forward. The best is yet to come.
      Enjoy your day. Cheers!

  4. I am glad that you are now in a much better place and realise that you have friends around you. Happy birthday and I hope that over this coming year you achieve even more of your goals

    • Awwwwch! That’s awesome Evie.
      Thank you so much. Certainly, the best is yet to come and… “I am confident of this:He who has begun a good work in me shall accomplish it” (Phil.1:6). Let’s do more and keep moving forward dear.
      Thank you once again and enjoy a lovely day.

  5. Wow! What a remarkable story, very touching and inspiring. Thank God for his grace and mercy. He that saved you has a plan for you and I believe his taking you somewhere only him know. The situations and what we are going through does not define us but make us stronger. Keep moving on the Lord is your strength. P.s this year will be greater. Happy birthday once again

    • Thank you Sandra. It’s so nice to hear the reassurance of a brighter tomorrow, much more to inspire many more people to greatness.
      I am also pleased that you find my story inspiring. I trust the Lord to save many more people struggling with depression and thought of a suicide.
      Certainly, the best is yet to come.
      Thank you once more and enjoy the rest of the day.

  6. Dear Nnanna,
    Dead men tell no tales!! Thank you for staying alive after your failed attempt and thank you for sharing your story. There is a reason why you have lived to tell it. My aunt tried and succeeded, she couldn’t take anymore from her husband… I guess and hope she’s resting peacefully after much suffering.
    I can’t imagine having not met and befriended you. You bear no scar and you’re so inspiring. Your pain is not only a gain to you but to many others. May God continue being thy guide!

    • O dear, my sincere condolences for your Aunt. We often hurt more than we can express, sometimes because the world seldom has a place for failures. I’m grateful to the Lord for finding strength and faith to ensure.
      Obviously, it’s paying off and the best is yet to come.
      We’ll keep moving forward, sharing out faith and inspiring more people to greatness.
      Thank you for your inspiring comment. Enjoy the rest of your day.

  7. I had a lot of thoughts, worries and questions that I needed answers from you for a long while. But having read your story now and your suicide attempt, I need not but feel for you.

    I have been once depressed (for 14yrs), tried suicide more than twice and I know that feeling and pain. But I am more joyous now that despite all, “your pain has brought your gain” . God delivered you. Your failure has given you strength and victory.

    I am glad you survived and celebrating a birthday and still will do many years ahead of you. God’s grace and blessings. Continue to be an inspiration to this generation.
    I will always remember you led me to Christ.
    Your daughter in the Vineyard
    Erenma Grace Kalu

    • Hi Erenma, I’m pleased to hear from you. I couldn’t help but speak the truth to save a soul. Thank you for your good wishes.

      We all hurt in different ways, but as the world has no place for failures, the depressed and suicidal often die in silence. But to save many, God has given me the grace to stand through the heat.

      I am glad you’re inspired and hope you find strength in my testimony of what God can do in a year. No matter what happens, He’ll fulfill His purposes in our lives and still be glorified.

      I wish you all the very best and pray your faith remains undaunted by the storms of life.

  8. Happy belated birthday Pst Nnanna.
    I was moved to tears reading your page. It takes so much boldness to step out the way you did, we (I inclusive) perish most times with our troubles cos we don’t know how to speak out for fear of condemnation.

    But thanks for the inspiring messages. God is not done with you yet, you are a God lover and he will definitely bring you through. God bless you sir and restore all the enemy has stolen from you in Jesus name.

    • Thank you sister Ugee. Your words are like fire, yet comforting. I could feel your tears, filled with memories of a long journey into the past. But thank God you were inspired nonetheless.

      The last one year has changed a lot and thanks to God’s grace and the love of family and good friends. I wrote to help someone like me to go through any kind of pain. I am a living proof that “a little patience in the fire” can bring out unprecedented lustre.

      So while I crave for more of God’s grace, I’m more grateful for how much I’ve achieved with it. Therefore, I speak with gratitude.

      Thank you dear. May your faith remain undaunted by these storms. The best is yet to come.

  9. My joy is full to know that you are the one writing this experience and not someone else telling this story.
    Am happy to tell you that you are going to be with us for a very long……….. time.
    Am also happy I met you in my life journey
    Happy birthday dearie, and many more years ahead.
    Please don’t fail to invite me on your 70th birthday

    • My dear o, We give God the Praise for His Grace. Certainly, God’s got other plans that’s why He spared me, and is sparing more lives through our work.

      Thank you so much for your reassuring love and comment. It will be my pleasure to celebrate more birthdays with you as Christ tarries.
      The Lord bless you.

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