Why Don’t My Parents Trust Me? 7 Shocking Revelations

 

I have met young people who are concerned with their parents’ attitude towards them. They ask ‘Why don’t my Parents trust me?” and are deeply in search for answers. They need love and acceptance, without which they easily become depressed, fall for drugs and ultimately suicide. Join me through these 7 Shocking Revelations to learn why they don’t and begin the journey towards winning their trust.

WHY AM I CONCERNED ABOUT THIS?

Young people are the world’s greatest asset.

The Young, Our Future

According to the United Nations World Population Monitoring Concise report, In 2012, the world had 1.6 billion persons aged 12-24, of which 721 million were adolescents aged 12-17 and 850 million were youth aged 18-24. This is such a huge number to be ignored to time and chance.

Young people hold the key to the future. They will determine to a large extent the global economy, peace, international relations and social development at different levels.

More so, this group is full of life and The strength of youthenergy. They are full of hope and readily explore new grounds.

Their quest for significance makes them crave for love and attention following the hormonal changes of adolescence.

Therefore, rejection is a young person’s worst nightmare.

depressed teenager

Studies show that at least 90% of teens who kill themselves have some type of mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol abuse, or a behaviour problem.

Beyond this,  they may also have problems at school or with friends or family, or a combination of all these things. Some teens may have been victims of sexual or physical abuse.

I believe this is not strange with some of our local experiences.


I HAVE HEARD THEIR CRY

A young lady asked me, “Why don’t my parents trust me?

I quickly retorted with a deep sense of humour, “Why is trusting you so important dear?” and her response got me thinking for a while.

She said,

“I am a daughter, a rightful partaker of the family space and I’m entitled to my parent’s love and attention. Instead of these, I’m constantlyParenting berating daughter

  • berated
  • accused
  • abandoned
  • rejected
  • and scarcely given responsibilities

just because, my parent’s don’t trust me.

I was fixated. I could feel her pain and frustration. Yet, my biggest worry was this:

What if she asked someone else this same question? What will she hear as the reason for “this” distrust? Well here I was and I had an opportunity to save a soul.

I will spare you more details, but this is a popular scenario with many teenagers. They find their closure amongst their peers and will do anything to get away from this haunting plague of distrust.


 

MY RESPONSE

What you will read here is nothing but a simple, personal response from my experiences as once a teenager and now an adult. I have 7 shocking revelations for you, and I strongly believe they will help you regain your parent’s trust.

1. TRUST IS EARNED

It took me a long time to accept this fact. No one practically has a right to be trusted. People trust you as they dim fit. They trust you over time.

From cradle, our parents watch us grow and have experiences with our growth. They are part of the good, bad and ugly growing process and form their judgements overtime AS MORTALS DO.

2.TRUST IS BASED ON PERSONAL JUDGEMENT

What we feel is worthy and admirable may not be to another. I remember coming home with one of my school results where I came first having scored 98%. I was overjoyed and expected my dad to celebrate my excellence, or so I supposed. But he cut short my joy when he asked, “where are the two marks?” His response blew me away.

Sincerely, I do not know whether I have overcome the quest to please him. But I am sure of this, your parents’ view of success may ultimately differ from yours and will affect how they trust you. Don’t sweat it. Trust is personal.

3. AN UGLY PAST CAN INFLUENCE PARENTAL TRUST

Think about this. You have friends whom you’ve dumped overtime. Some of them were great buddies. All of a sudden there was this incident that practically ruined your relationship with each other.

fear of the unknown

It’s been many years, but each time you meet him or her, you are not as free and relaxed as you were before the incident.

That is how it is with our parents too. They say healing takes time, and your parents are human. An ugly past with theft, abuse, insult, disobedience may affect how they see you today. However, all hope is not lost.

4. YOUR AGE COULD INFLUENCE THEIR TRUST

Trust issues... father talking to son

I do not suppose you will gladly give the documents of your most treasured property to a toddler. I do not believe you will give your school certificate to your 2 year old brother to keep for you. These are relative to how our parents see us.

At least, until you are 18 in most countries, you are not allowed to drive. So, they may not give you full access to the car until then.

I went through the phases of stealing my dad’s car keys for a ride with friends, getting my driver’s licence, officially sent on errands with my dad’s car, driving mine, and eventually booked in advance at my leisure, to pick him up or run errands. I grew through all these.

The older you become, the more responsibilities they will gladly give you.

5. YOUR PASSIONS AND ASSOCIATIONS

We are free moral beings. We have different passions, dreams and aspirations. Yet, these are great determinants in our associations and consequent referrals.

Let me ask you dear, as a parent, who will you give the keys to a store you kept the drinks meant to host your guests for an evening party? Your Son who is a notable alcoholic, or your daughter who is passionate with climate change and preserving wildlife?

This may not be the unique example, but I doubt if you will risk giving the key to your son as there are chances he will not just drink some, but hide away others for tomorrow.

Parents trust their children as much as their passions can carry.

6. THEY MAY HAVE TRUST ISSUES FROM THEIR PAST

A Parent is first human, with a history and then, a parent.

Your dad may have trust issues following an abused privilege from younger friends, stewards, siblings, staff or an older child. If your mum felt used and abused by a young girl she had helped in the past, there are chances that she will treat you the same.

You may not be the cause of this distrust. They most likely could be. Their hearts may have been smeared by bitter experiences with people they trusted and loved so deeply that when you asked for the car, or other privileges, they remembered the last experience and had to change their minds.

7. THE MEDIA SPREADS DISTRUST

We hear it on the radio. It’s in many forums: Juvenile delinquencyJuvenile delinquency.

I hear a lot of generalisation stating that young people are bad, ignorant, ill mannered, callous, undisciplined, uncultured, impatient and all such generalisations.

While this is true on different grounds, there are still good young people.

But as long as you fall within this category, you may not still gain as much trust as you deserve.


 

THE WAY FORWARD

There is so much pain in the world already that we are looking for more responsible persons to alleviate the pain. Living with parents who are distrustful could be more painful than we can explain in words.

Yet, The sky is clear and empty, AND THERE’S MORE ROOM AT THE TOP.

I would like you to reflect on these 7 revelations above and find your common grounds.

Are they peculiar to your experiences? Please I would like to know.

I will also like to know other reasons you believe are responsible for Parents’ distrust for their children.

In order to keep this post as brief as possible, I will handle “How to Win Your Parents’ Trust” in a later post.

I hope I made an impact in your life today. Let me know through your comments and feel free to ask any questions. I will be glad to hear from you. Join us and see your pain of rejection turn into Gain. Thank you and enjoy your day.
Cheers!

Nnanna.

4 Comments

  1. So I really liked this article. I feel like you give fair representation to kids that may need to change their behavior to gain trust, but also to kids who have parents that just won’t trust them because of the parents issues. I personally fall into the latter category.

    I can feel you on the “trust is based on personal judgement” part. I was a straight A student and ran full marathons, but neither of those things impressed my parents in the slightest. My parents are extremely religious and since I never have been, they have never been happy with me.

    My favorite point you made was about the media. I get so frustrated when people make huge generalizations about “millennials” being whiny and irresponsible. I am incredibly hard working and so are my friends.

    Great content. Keep it up.
    Erin

    • Hi Erin, thank you for stopping by with such a rich comment. Much of what I wrote, as I said, were from personal experiences.

      I can easily connect with some of your experiences too. My Parents are very supportive. But I’ve not always kept to the rules

  2. Nnanna you are clearly a very thoughtful young man and that is reflected in this thoughtful piece. Speaking from my personal experience as first a son and second a father, I think parents sometimes can’t find the words to express their feelings about what are sometimes very complicated issues. My parents were not great communicators. When I was younger, I too felt they did not trust me. As I got older, I realized it was not so much mistrust, but rather a fear for my safety and a fear of me going down the wrong path. Now as a father to 4 young boys myself, I find myself often putting my trust in the Lord, asking him to watch over them and keep them safe. it’s a complicated world we live in, with complicated issues. Thank you for bringing this one to light.

    • Hello Michael, thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts. We have a lot in common. I’m also a first son and a father of 3 children. Yes, it can be complicated, especially when you’re at the middle, relating with your parents and your kids. By God’s, mercies, we have received love and grace from the Lord, through his exemplary love and affection. So we love and care for our children while still submitting to our parents.

      I believe, younger folks have greater challenges with this relationship. But with the secrets shared above, and more, we all can make the most of the beautiful parent-child relationship. I wish you all the very best and you’re most welcome to share more thoughts on this.

      Cheers!

      Nnanna.

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