How to Move on After a Betrayal and Beat The Feeling Forever!

 

After a betrayal, we are often at a loss at the next thing to do. We are faced with the shock it leaves as well as the right thing to do. One of my experiences with betrayal left me with great lessons I will gladly share here.

It all began like every other day. We were friends, or so I supposed. We had agreed on what to do as we approached the stage. I could see the crowd.

I felt their passion as they all waited in excitement. They clapped in admiration as we walked up the stage, but their excitement was not to last.

I was set and ready to thrill the crowd. But little did I know my friend was not prepared. I tried to play a sound, but the more I tried, the more she failed to respond.

O dear! Our years of friendship was on edge. It was so embarrassing. My Saxophone has just betrayed me! Even though I tested it and rehearsed for hours before coming here, I have just been BETRAYED by my saxophone!

Huh! What a day with my Saxophone.

Hold on a minute! This was a serious matter.

I love my Saxophone. She’s my darling and has been faithful for many years, but on this very day, she betrayed me, gave me no signs she was going to embarrass me and left me bewildered by her betrayal.

betrayal

I am sure we have all had the feeling of betrayal from a friend, a spouse, a colleague, the government, a service provider or even a family member.

No matter how it comes,

A betrayal could be your worst nightmare.

DEPRESSION after betrayalWHY?

You’re not prepared for it!

That’s it. It wouldn’t be a betrayal if you knew it was going to happen.


A Betrayal of trust, infidelity, or heartbreak can send chills down your spine, leaving great scars which could take years to fade.

So, I had to do something! 

But, like all misfortunes, we have to move on.

Before I tell you what I did to my Saxophone, please avoid the following after a betrayal:

  1. Stop recounting the experience. This will only hurt you more. Resist this temptation!
  2. Avoid the blame game.  This is most natural. You’ll gain nothing by releasing this negative energy. Even though the blame is accepted, it won’t change the past.
  3. Avoid talking to the wrong people. These are people who derive joy in the story than on the way forward. They’re simply out to hear from the Horse’s mouth so they can become official publishers of your misfortune.
  4. Do not be overtaken by self-pity. It is said that to err is human. Anyone could fall prey to a betrayal. You were not too naïve, insensitive or insecure to have noticed the signs of an emerging betrayal. Always remember that Shit Happens and Your Case is not unique.
  5. Do not lose sight of the Big Picture. Before the betrayal, you had a plan. For a moment, imagine that the betrayal did not occur. Remember the journey so far and let your moderation determine what you would do next. Keep your eyes on this!

Remember, No one turns into a Scorpion because he/she was beaten by a Scorpion.

I’ll still keep it simple.

Having avoided all these, WHAT NEXT?

  1. Move on. Do what you need to do. A betrayal does not define you. It only shows how weak the betrayer is. The action wasn’t yours, so the betrayer bears the grunt. Don’t get a headache from another man’s punched face.
  2. Find time to reflect. While you avoid not reliving the past, find time to unburden your pain. This could be alone or with a confidant. A careful reflection will help you heal faster.
  3. Get to meet your betrayer. There are chances that a betrayer may have acted ignorantly, was influenced or simply out to ruin you. You need to know this before you lose a strong ally to your enemies. Facing the truth may hurt, but you move on faster over time.
  4. Once Again, Move On! Now you’ve wrapped up the past, move on. Tomorrow is a brighter day and you should not sacrifice its promises because of one betrayal.

But what if you’re the BETRAYER?

Well, it’s not the end of the world. READ: YOU MESSED UP! SO WHAT?

Am I forgetting something? Yesssss, my Saxophone.

Well, here we are, still friendsNnaSaxPriest

After the incident on stage, I just picked it up sat down a while and noticed something had gone in between one of the keys and caused a temporary distuning. It cost me a couple of minutes and the embarrassment. But I fixed it, kept my cool and got back on stage.

I never made reference to it as you may hear musicians blame the microphone or the sound engineer for stage distractions. It was my show and not the saxophone’s and I kept the vibe. Today, I’m more careful to have a thorough check before getting on stage.

Surviving A Betrayal Is A Gift. It Makes You More Careful20151018_123159-1

She betrayed me, but I got over the feeling, and separated the Sax from the betrayal.

I did not throw it away. I overcame the shock, picked it up and re-examined it and have played another year with it, touching more lives with my gift.

received_10153655611614226

I could have passed it off as spoilt, thrown it away or given it up for sale, mostly because I felt embarrassed and betrayed.

Yet, as with all betrayals, we must find time and see things in perspective, heal and Move on to a brighter day.

Remember,

NO ONE TURNS INTO A SCORPION BECAUSE HE/SHE WAS BEATEN BY A SCORPION.Black_Scorpion_600

I was betrayed, but the choice to hate is mine.

I hope you enjoyed this post.

As a community, I invite you to share your story and inspire someone today.

Are you going through a betrayal? How did you overcome your last betrayal?

I’d be excited to share with you, as well as many other people struggling with the shock of a betrayal.
Kindly leave a comment below and share this post with a friend. You may be helping to heal a broken heart.

Cheers!
Nnanna.





11 Comments

  1. Hi Nnanna,

    Moving on is vital! To me, moving on could happen in one of two ways…with your betrayer or without. But, moving on is an internal choice that manifests externally. Moving happens through forgiveness and a conscious choice not to dwell, rehearse, argue, or continue bringing it up…in your own mind and with others. Continuously carrying around all of that negative energy is super bad for you. Great advice. Thank you!

    Alyssa

    • Hello Alyssa,

      Thank you for finding time to reflect on my post.

      You are absolutely right. Moving on is a choice, and the negative energy dwelling on the past brings is not worth the effort. That is why I wrote in the first place, to help many people move on well. As I said, to move on with the betrayer, we must find time to engage them and possibly win them back.

      But when this proves impossible, we must then move on without them as a peaceful heart is a vital ingredient for a productive future.

      Thank you once again. and do have a lovely day.

      Cheers!

      Nnanna.

    • Hi there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group? There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Cheers!

      • Hi Jessie,
        You’re most welcome to share this anywhere and anytime. It’s free and I hope it helps as many people as possible.
        My passion is to see that people make the most out of the painful and gory situations in their lives, and this is always possible, if we would try and not give up.
        I’ll be glad to hear from you again.
        cheers!
        Nnanna.

  2. Hi Nnanna,

    First of all, I must say you have a lovely smile, it looks like one of those contagious ones. When I started reading this post I wasn’t expecting you to be discussing betrayal regarding your saxophone.

    It just goes to show that betrayal isn’t necessarily inter personal. I never thought of this before. I guess I am lucky in the fact I have friends whom I love very much, I am fortunate enough to not hold onto hate for others.

    I can only remember couple of times when I have been betrayed, and for me the best way to get over it was to forgive and forget. The act of fogiving somebody is not for their own well being, but instead for your own peace of mind.

    • Hello Boss, it’s so nice to have you here. I’m pleased you were blessed by the post. Yes, betrayal could be from anything, ranging from humans to possessions. However, the most painful come from humans because we feel they have ‘responsibilities’ and it could have been done with intent. I’ve had my seasons of betrayal from loved ones too, and have learnt to move on. Yes, forgive yourself and them too. Besides, if you die over who you have met, you’ll miss who you’re going to meet. I’ll love to hear from you on more tips for moving on after a betrayal.

      Thank you once again. Cheers!

      Nnanna.

  3. If that were my saxophone I would’ve thrown it off a cliff. What happened on that day you were trying to perform? Did the saxophone start playing again after you scolded it? Lols

    Back on subject with the idea of betrayal, it’s pretty hard for people to completely follow all of your advice, especially if they’re vindictive, like me. Like blaming people is mandatory in business. Someone screwed up and they have to understand what they did wrong and not assigning blame is in my opinion, is the wrong thing to do.

    If someone takes advantage of me, for example, one “friend” of mine went to Cuba and tried to sell me “real” Cuban cigars only to find out that they were fake. He’s betrayed me and I don’t ever want to hear from him again.

    • Hi Darren, I sincerely love your sense of humour. You’re so cool. Well, like you pointed out, unless someone is vindictive, a betrayal is not easy to let go. On a lighter note, I still have my saxophone and I played with it that same night.

      I’ve had challenges with betrayal and my experience shows that moving on after a betrayal is better for me than hanging around looking for justice. It’s for my peace of mind and forgiving the person, which doesn’t necessarily justify the action nor guarantee the relationship, is good for me. Like I pointed out, There are good experiences with the person to cherish, which the hurt may hide. While focusing on the positives, one can easily find strength to live happily after the betrayal.

      This however doesn’t alienate the fact that there are really bad fellows out there we must move away from.

      I trust you understand these

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